He has two children, a 13 year old and a freshman in college. If he’s not investing in them financially, he’s going to be investing in the emotionally. I want you to re-read this sentence and ask yourself how you are able to say, in one breath, that this man is loving and thoughtful and then in the next question his motives. I don’t mean that in a “Molly, you in danger, girl” type of way. I’m sure many people in your position feel the same. So you either need to learn how to co-exist with his kids and accept your place in this relationship or you need to move it along.
He makes enough to pay for his modest apartment, considerable child support & alimony, and his son’s tuition at a private college. Without getting too personal…you’re a widow…I’d think that your late husband did what he good to make sure you were taken care of, yes? This is about you wanting confirmation that you are a priority.
Yet when it comes to contributing to our home, there isn’t much left to go around! You want a gesture from him that reveals that he is just as committed to you as he is to his kids. He can love you and commit to you as a partner but you will never, ever, ever mean to him what his children mean, because those are his children.
I have a friend who is in her forties, who told me that her parents got divorced in high school, and that she was really mean to her dad’s girlfriend (who is now his wife) for years.
It’s very common for guys with kids to write in their OKCupid profiles: “My kids come first,” or “My daughter is the center of my world! You want a potential mate to know that your life includes the giant presence of a kid or four. Plus, if you’ve gone through divorce or another crisis that landed you as a single parent, you are no doubt concerned about giving your kids extra care and sense of security. But it is even trickier if one or both of the parents put the kids before their partner.
Question: I’m an attractive, well-educated, debt-free 50 year-old widow who’s childless (by choice), that’s been seeing a man for 3.5 years.
Nearly all of this time he was legally separated–4 months ago he finally divorced, amicably. As for his kids and being a priority, I hate to tell you, but this is how it will always be. But the times that you’re in the top spot will be few and far between. I don’t know how my step-mother handled it with the grace that she did.
Common challenges during the dating period including pacing the relationship, balancing her needs with those of her kids and scheduling time for dates.
Dating isn't a single mom's top priority, so help her arrange things so she can get out with you.
Let her know you understand that her kids come first.