If you think something is reasonable, but nobody else on the planet agrees with you, you’re going to be more effective by finding a compromise point closer to the majority position. Men who don’t pick up the full check on Date 1 are not “wrong”, but they are ineffective. In the Venn Diagram of Online Dating (copyright, Evan Marc Katz), men’s circle is Speed. He wants to meet you right NOW and see you naked ASAP. You know as well as I do that women don’t want to be bullied into going on blind dates: “Dear Dan, thank you for your initial inquiry. Besides, your profile doesn’t say very much about you, so maybe if you tell me more about yourself, if we click, then, maybe in a few weeks, I’ll give you my phone number and we can go from there.” This is the entire reason that I came up with a strategy that works for both men AND women. This Venn diagram theory goes for pretty much everything in life. And by ineffective, I mean that by not being able to understand (much less cater to) the opposite sex’s point of view, you’re pretty much eliminating your options.Whether you are a young starry-eyed Utopian or have been around the eastern bloc for a while, everyone can benefit from these tips and guidelines for safe dictator-dating procedures.
Hey Evan, I have recently started chatting with someone on a dating site and he keeps asking me for my phone number. The place where your circles overlap is your relationship. The problem in dating is when you think your circle is the “right” one – even when it doesn’t overlap with anyone else’s circle. Women who ask men if they will commit on Date 1 are not “wrong”, but they are ineffective. You want to “chat with him for a good period of time,” and after “a few weeks of online chatter”, you’ll give him your phone number. However, I’m very uncomfortable giving you my phone number. It’s called the 2/2/2 Rule (two emails on the dating site, two emails off site, two phone calls and then a date).
He says he doesn’t use the internet much on weekdays, but I’m reluctant to give anyone my phone number until I have chatted with them for a period of time. This is where I came up with the idea (espoused in Why He Disappeared) of “effective vs. Then, presuming a few phone calls go well, you want to meet him for a safe coffee date at on a Tuesday, so you can have a quick exit strategy if you don’t click. I spend about a half-hour explaining it in my Finding the One Online audio program, which helps women flirt and connect with quality men online.
Is it possible to find a woman who’ll have sex on Date 1? Is it possible to find a man who’ll wait until marriage before having sex? But there are a LOT fewer people who will agree to either.
I would suggest that both will find their stances largely ineffective in dealing with the majority of the population.
If we sat and waited around for women to give us their number and ask us out we would be waiting for a month for some women.
Some guys will play the "pen pals' with you for a month and let them.I’ve encountered very few men who have a problem with this.Just like meeting rather than being picked up on the first date, it’s really no big deal.What I will do, is ask to go private and have more instant responses by doing messenger and chatting there, and once comfortable, you just may want to have a voice conversation and give me your number, and if not, we are friends on line that can chat as No doubt; someone who actually wants to have areal conversation with you must be bonkers.I typically want to use every online method possible, for about a year or two, before we ever meet in person. You're paranoid I too think it's a little strange to be asking for a number too early (right off the bat).Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate. I would rather converse for a while first on here, before exchanging numbers. While you feel this way maybe you should check out the ask a girl forum for threads about girls not responding after the first couple messages. This is the sort of thing that makes guys asking for girls' numbers so difficult.