If you confront them before you have the evidence, there's a good chance they'll take the affair more underground. If they were unhappy, they could've gotten counseling, filed for divorce, taken up scrapbooking -- really anything other than cheating.
They cheat because they value the good feelings they get from ego boosts and affair sex more than their commitment to you and your health and well-being. Many of them are quite happy to blame shift their crappy decisions on to you. Be very clear on what is yours to own (i.e., dark socks/sandals offenses) and what is 3.
Accept that you're going to wobble and fail sometimes. The goal here, upon finding out that you've been cheated on, is to take back your power, maintain your dignity and not do anything homicidal. When you do the "humiliating dance of "pick me," all you do is feed their egos and give them 5.
Here are five things you should never do after finding out that you've been cheated on: 1. She didn't cheat on you because of your penchant for wearing dark socks and sandals in public.
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Do not confront the cheater until you've gathered evidence. He didn't find f**kbuddies on Craigslist because of your post-baby muffin top. Stalling for time, acting vague about how they intend to make this right, talking a good game and never coming through on the particulars -- these are all ploys to keep them in the affair. "Oh, I'll just make my needs smaller and smaller, or I'll be so wonderful I'll win them back! All you do with appeasement is give the cheater the green light to abuse you further.